I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
