YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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