I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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