one two three fourrrrnication!
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
