His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We left the knife in your bed.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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