What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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