he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
