Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
