this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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