the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
