Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
