News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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