omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
