yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
