At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize