Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
