he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
