he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
