I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
