the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
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Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
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You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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