My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
