I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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