Apparently you make a good broom.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
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It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
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I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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