I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
