It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
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When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
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U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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