When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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