I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
