Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
