Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
