Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
