Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
