i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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