Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
