dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
