How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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