just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
