His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
