dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
