dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
