If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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