Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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