just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
