Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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