I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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