hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
