So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
