she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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