I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
