This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
