MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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