you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
