he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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