dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
