where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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