tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
