At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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