I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
