talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
