he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
