She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
