Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
