dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
