I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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