So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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