I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
