so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
