Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
