Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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