did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I lost the right to judge tonight
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
