can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
