6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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