I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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