i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
