Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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