walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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