Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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