Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
