Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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