Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We have so much sex to catch up on
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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