He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Everyone says I win the strip club
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
